I didn’t use to be a frequent church goer and I didn’t use to pray enough but, in every hardship, I always turned to God. I prayed on my knees when our dog became ill. Unfortunately, we had to put him down. I am ashamed to say it but I was kind of mad at God for a long time. Our beloved pet was a member of my family and I was depressed for over a year after he passed away.
Two years later, my dad had to undergo a successful but difficult surgery. I then vowed that I would thank God every day for being by our side. I try to pray twice a day, even if it is just to say “Thank you, Lord”. I don’t always make it but I sure try to.
With the current situation around the world, I had come to believe that the world was ending. I started praying more, read parts of Apocalypse (I did not have the courage or the patience to read all of it) and hoped God would be merciful. I was convinced that we were being punished for our sins- I still am. I have promised that I would become a better Christian but I still have a long way to go…
My faith was once again tested when my ex-partner told me he started seeing someone. You see, right before he had said it, I was thinking of giving him another chance. We had been talking for a year after the break up and he repeatedly suggested getting intimate. I didn’t want to. Something kept me back, probably someone-God- because the last time he had asked to get together, was a month before he started his new relationship…. I felt that I was being punished and that I was not worthy to find happiness.
When he told me he had just started a relationship, I was jealous. But not the “I- want- to set- things -on-fire” type of jealousy. My heart broke…I knew that I had solid reasons for leaving since I was not treated the way I deserved. I had made terrible mistakes myself and I often hurt his feelings but I did deserve my share to happiness.
Now I am worried that every time that I go out, I might run into them and that she might be prettier than me, younger than me, and with nicer hair. You see, I have developed a hair color allergy and I can’t color my hair that is turning grey.
I have been going to church more often lately and I always light a candle for him, so that he is happy. I also light a candle for me begging God to send me my one true love or show me the way how to find it and lastly, I light candle for him and me, to get back together soon If we are each other’s true love.
What is the definition of true love? Loving someone else more than yourself?
Being selfless to the point of never getting what you want?
Putting someone else’s needs above yours?
Praying for someone you are no longer with?
What is true love? And will I ever find a man who will truly love me?
Life as we don't know it 