The former object of my affection

When I was a teenager, I was clumsy with boys. I was really shy and never approached the boys I liked ,unlike my classmates who had one boyfriend after the other. As an adult my clumsiness continued…I dated a few men and my first major crash was at the age of twenty eight. And you saw from my previous post how that went…After by big crash left the country I spent two years waiting for him to return. I was in a limbo. I couldn’t go back to what we had and I couldn’t move forward. But how could I move forward? It had always been hard for me to meet someone.

One day a colleague suggested meeting someone she had met a few months back. Tall, athletic, kind and funny but also a bit feisty. I agreed to meet him on a night out, not alone of course. I knew he would be a trouble maker and it was more than obvious that we didn’t have many things in common but we ended up together for five years. We didn’t fall in love. We just really liked each other and after a while we loved each other.

Still, we were always on the verge of breaking up. He couldn’t stand discipline and I couldn’t stand patriarchy. I was working two jobs and I got home late. Cooking was not my priority and he couldn’t nor wanted to learn how to. Housekeeping was not his strong point-it wasn’t his point at all actually and I refused to do everything by myself. That caused a lot of friction. Apart from that, I was also a very emotional person-I still am- and he couldn’t stand my crying.

I am sure you are wondering how did the relationship last that long. You see, I was always a bit of a weirdo and I was always labelled as picky from friends and family. To be honest, I am. A friend kept telling me that in a relationship we should compromise. Every single day. I mostly blamed myself for the problems until one day I realized it was not the only one to blame and that our relationship was toxic…

We kept in touch for a year. Spoke almost every week. Even met a few times. He was the first person to call when something bad happened. He was still my rock in every hardship. He wanted us to try again but blamed me for all the problems and kept pointing out that my attitude hadn’t changed. Newsflash: His hadn’t either.

Six months ago we met at  a mutual friend’s party and I wanted to set things on fire when he told me he started seeing someone. I was jealous! I don’t know why. He realized I didn’t like his announcement and asked what was wrong with me. I pretended to be cool. He didn’t believe me. Apparently, my face says what my mouth doesn’t. He texted me a couple of days later to see if I still love him. In the next month we texted often. The month after that I asked him to get back together and he said no. Don’t ask me why. It just felt right at the time… Now, a year and a half after the break-up I still love him but I know we can’t be together for various reasons. Still, I think about him every day…

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