How not to save a life

   Today I spoke with an old friend with whom I hadn’t spoken in months and I realized that we had both been through the oocytes cryopreservation process without telling each other. As women approach their forties, their fertility drops. Therefore, we both took the decision to pump ourselves with hormones in order to save some precious oocytes so that one day we could have an offspring.

    Fertility is a struggle for women that not all people understand. Not even other women. When other women hear you are approaching forty and you are still single and don’t have kids they are like ” Oh, that’s ok, you will have children one day, you haven’t met the right man yet”. Unfortunately, the worst comments come from the ones close to them, especially their own mothers. ” Well, you shouldn’t be so picky. If you had got married when you were younger you would have had kids. Now, it might be too late”.        

    In the past I might have wondered why women were close to forty and hadn’t had kids, yet. Now, I know…Maybe they haven’t met the right man. Maybe they are not ready. Maybe they can’t afford it. Maybe they can’t. Maybe they can’t afford assisted reproduction. Maybe they don’t want to. Yes, some women and men do not want to have children. It may be frowned upon but it is a reality. They are not selfish. They are not lonely and their lives may actually have a meaning. 

    I respect the people and especially the women are struggling to have a child and have to deal with the hardships of infertility and assisted reproduction. After all, one day I may be one of them. But I don’t respect people who tell others how to live their life. Suggestions and advice are always welcome. But judgment is not. People tend to criticize other people’s choices whereas they don’t make the best ones themselves. I really try not to judge other people’s decisions. Sometimes I fall in the trap. It is easier to judge others than to judge yourself. But most of the times I sympathize with others-unless they are really irresponsible or really horrible. Instead of saving others that don’t need saving, I try to save myself. Don’t get me wrong; my head is still a jungle and most of the times I DON’T know what I am doing. But I am a work in progress.

As I grow older, I try to focus on my mistakes and on how to become a better person. Not for others but for me.  Our lives would probably be less complicated if we all did the same.

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